As children move through adolescence there are multiple changes and stresses that can affect their behaviors and relationships with parents and siblings. During these times of change, communication that was once open within families can be reduced to constant arguing.

Parents of teenagers need to ensure that time is still available for positive interactions. It is expected that infants and toddlers receive endless hours of personal attention each day from parents and family members who bathe, hold, feed, protect, and nurture them. Parents learn subtle cues and understand their children’s communication, both verbal and non-verbal, for expressing needs and wants. These countless caring measures are done while also providing the children with boundaries as well as new experiences.

It seems to happen in an instant that children develop into teenagers who spend very little quality time with their parents and family members. The time that is spent together is often filled with deadlines, tasks, and parents struggling to enforce rules and guidelines. When the interactions are filled with emotions and actions that are not centered on positive activities, it should not come as a surprise that children resent the parents. Parents who have turned focus on keeping children in line and forgone positive parenting will be facing challenges.

Parents need to assess the schedules of the family and determine how much real quality time is spent between parents and children. Single parents can face even greater challenges, but the need is still paramount to creating successful relationships. After parents work a full day, care for household responsibilities, and chauffeur children to events, there still needs to be time available for relaxing or enjoyable activities shared between parents and children. As families lead hectic and overscheduled lives, it is dangerous to let those lives be void of positive quality time spent with children on a regular, if not daily basis. Time is essential to strengthen the relationships within the family, improve communication, and help reduce stress for all involved.

As families spend more time together, it is important for parents to also work on better communication skills that do not include arguing and shouting when dealing with frustrations. Parents need to make every effort to walk away from an argument before it even begins, because the argument will rarely ever reveal the real issues or help solve them. The children might make every effort to try to engage parents in the arguments, but parents need to avoid these struggles whenever possible.

Instead, a parent can tell a child why certain choices have been made or boundaries have been set in as calm of a manner as possible. There is no guarantee the child will like it and the child might choose to argue, yell, or whine in response. The parent needs to remain calm and end the discussion on a positive note, something such as, ?These rules have been made because I love you and want you to be safe.? Then the important part is to walk away or at the least not engage in any more arguments on the topic.

Children who always seem to need to have the last word in an argument are perhaps doing this because they fear being wrong. Parents need to spend time with their children communicating with them and creating safe environments where there is no judgment placed on the conversations. Thanking a child for sharing her thoughts at the end of a conversation is a good way to show that the view of the child is important and not criticized.

As parents move through the struggles of adolescence with their children, there are several things to remember to help make the journey a positive one. Children, whether they are 14 months old or 14 years old need the love, attention, and time of parents on a regular basis in varieties of positive ways. Parents need to provide ample opportunities for open exchanges that do not hinge on being right or wrong, and learn how not to argue.

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